Motherhood is a journey filled with change—often unexpected and always transformative. From planning parenthood to the challenges of pregnancy, birth, weaning, returning to work, starting school, right through to potentially becoming a grandmother – each phase brings its own unique joys and hurdles. Along the way, it’s important to recognize that not only are mothers deeply impacted by these transitions, but aunts, special friends, and extended family also play a crucial role.
In this blog, we explore the different stages of motherhood, offering helpful advice, valuable insights from others who have been there, and resources to support you at every step of the way.
Planning: Laying the Groundwork
The decision to become a parent is monumental. It involves not only the physical aspects of conceiving a child but also the emotional, financial, and lifestyle changes that will follow. It’s a time for reflection, planning, and preparation.
What many wish they’d known: “I wish someone had told me to truly consider how my life would change. It wasn’t just about having a baby—it was about how every aspect of my life would shift, from my career to my relationships, and even my sense of identity.”
Helpful Advice: Start by talking openly with your partner about your expectations, dreams, and any concerns. Take time to research and think about your values, parenting philosophy, and the practical aspects of raising a child, such as finances, living arrangements, and career plans. There are also great resources like Breastmates.co.nz where you can connect with other parents’ experiences and gain insight into what lies ahead.
Pregnancy: The Wait and the Wonder
Pregnancy is a time of excitement, anticipation, and (sadly) often, physical discomfort. It’s also a time when you begin to prepare for the life changes ahead. The excitement of an impending arrival is tempered by the reality of physical changes and the challenge of navigating a flood of advice, much of it unsolicited.
What many wish they’d known: “I wish I had known that pregnancy isn’t all glowing and magical. There are tough days—nausea, tiredness, and emotional swings. It’s okay to not feel 100% all the time. I felt almost ashamed that I was neither ‘glowing’ nor magical, and I was relieved when an older woman at work shared that her own pregnancies were dreadful. It made me realise I wasn’t alone, and that it’s also normal for some to have hard days during this journey.”
Helpful Advice: During pregnancy, it’s important to focus on your health and wellbeing. Rest when you need to, seek support from your partner or friends, and remember that everyone’s pregnancy journey is unique. Our website has numerous blogs and resources about everything from prenatal care to how to mentally prepare for birth. Don’t hesitate to ask questions within the Breastmates social communities—there’s a wealth of wisdom to be found there from women who have walked this path before you.
Birth: The Big Day
Whether it’s a smooth or more challenging delivery, giving birth is a monumental event. It’s both physical and emotional and marks the start of your journey as a parent.
What many wish they’d known: “I wish I had prepared myself mentally for how overwhelming childbirth could be. There’s a lot of focus on the ‘how to’ of birth, but little on how you might feel emotionally in the aftermath.”
Helpful Advice: Take a childbirth class, consider birth plans (but be flexible), and speak openly with your birth team. It’s also important to have realistic expectations about birth. It’s a big event, and things might not go as planned—and that’s okay. The most important thing is the health and safety of both you and your baby. Trust your body, trust your team, and lean on your support system.
Weaning: Letting Go (and Gaining Freedom)
The transition from breastfeeding or bottle-feeding to weaning can be emotional for both mother and child. It’s an inevitable part of your child’s growth but can bring mixed emotions about independence, identity, and change.
What many wish they’d known: “Weaning is harder than I thought. It’s not just about stopping feeding—it’s about the bond, the closeness, and the emotional transition for both of us.”
Helpful Advice: Weaning can be a gradual process, and it’s okay to feel unsure or emotional during it. Take your time and follow your baby’s lead. Transitioning from breast to solids or to a bottle can take a few weeks, and during this time, you’ll both adjust. It’s important to be kind to yourself—remember, this is a phase of growth for both you and your baby. If you have questions or concerns, Breastmates.co.nz provides support and advice that may help guide you through this process.
Returning to Work: A New Balance
Returning to work after maternity leave can be one of the toughest transitions for mothers. The decision itself—whether to return to work, become a stay-at-home mum, or pursue something different—can be just as challenging. There’s the added pressure of balancing career and motherhood, managing the guilt of leaving your baby, and adjusting to a new routine. It’s a deeply personal choice, and it’s okay to feel conflicted about what’s best for you and your family.
What many wish they’d known: “I wish I had known more about what to expect when returning to work. It’s not just about picking up where you left off—it’s about adjusting to your new role as a mother, both at home and in your career. I didn’t realise how much time it would take to establish a new routine, or how I’d feel emotionally navigating that balance. I also hadn’t fully considered the childcare options and what would be the best fit for our family. The guilt I felt when my child kept getting sick at daycare initially was immense – both concern for my child, and about letting down my employer and colleagues! If I’d known more about what was coming, I would have felt more confident in preparing for and managing the changes. I also wish I had planned for more self-care, as the transition is tougher than I expected.”
Helpful Advice: Start preparing early by organising childcare and talking to your employer about flexible working options. Make sure to carve out time for self-care, whether it’s a quiet cup of coffee before work or a lunch break where you can simply breathe. Lean into your support network—whether it’s a partner, friend, or online communities – to help manage the emotional side of returning to work. You don’t have to do it all on your own.
Becoming a Grandmother: The Next Chapter
Becoming a grandmother is a new and beautiful phase. You get to experience the joy of watching your child become a parent while also enjoying the role of nurturing and supporting your grandchildren.
What many wish they’d known: “I wish I had known how much I would love being a grandmother! It’s such a special bond, and it’s wonderful to see my children experience the same joy I did when they were babies.”
Helpful Advice: Embrace the new role with joy and without pressure. Be there to offer support and advice when asked, but remember that your child is now in the driver’s seat of their own parenting journey. Let your wisdom and experience be a source of encouragement, not judgement. Grandparenting is about enjoying the moments and being there for both your child and your grandchildren.
The Importance of Aunts or Special Friends
Let’s not forget the incredible role that aunts, uncles, and special friends play in a child’s life. As an aunt or close family friend, you have the unique privilege of bonding with children in a way that is distinct from parents. Your role is often one of fun, support, and love.
What many wish they’d known: “Being an aunt has been one of the most fulfilling roles I’ve ever had. I get to spoil my nieces and nephews, be a listening ear, and watch them grow, all while offering a different kind of support to their parents.”
Helpful Advice: Being a present, supportive, and loving aunt or friend is incredibly rewarding. Your relationship with the child is one of trust and joy. Don’t underestimate the power of your support—not only for the child but for the parents as well. Offer to take the child for a walk, lend a hand with household chores, or just be a sounding board when needed.
Motherhood is a lifelong journey, and with each stage comes new challenges, new growth, and new perspectives. It’s a journey you’re not alone on. The community of women who have been there before you, as well as resources like Breastmates.co.nz and its supportive social communities, are here to guide you every step of the way.
As you go through these transitions, take a deep breath, trust the process, and embrace the changes. And always remember that no matter where you are in your motherhood journey, there’s support available. We’re here for you — and you’ve got this.
