“It is the strength of the bond with their baby, not the pregnancy length, that determines the intensity of women’s grief.”
Miscarriage Support Auckland Inc website offers 100 pages of peer support and information, which includes approved medical answers. Because so many women miscarry (1 in 4) and are often not given the support that was needed, a small group of women who have all miscarried, have covered as many answers as they can about what is happening when a miscarriage occurs, and made these available on their website.
The physical side may have been seen to by a medical professional, however you may not have realised the affect of the miscarriage on you with the often accompanying fear and grief.
Miscarriage Support Auckland have found information does help to come to terms with that grief – even if it only confirms that it is a normal reaction to miscarriage, although seldom spoken about. They have a list of things under the heading of ‘Grief issues special to miscarriage’ some of which you may not have even thought about that could be affecting you. They offer ideas about how you can help yourself and also your partners who may or may not understand what you are feeling – even if you are a close couple and communication is vital at this time. Talking to other women is sometimes more helpful. They have a list of ‘Things to say and do and not to say and do’ for those that do wish to help but are not sure how to do it. They also have suggestions for dealing with children and also a piece for grandmothers as well as ‘Women in employment’, ‘Saying Goodbye’, ‘Subsequent Pregnancies’, ‘Memories’ and ‘Contacts’.
The Miscarriage Support Forum can be a comfort as that is peer support and you are definitely talking to someone who has been there. Everyone is different and other losses can bring up perhaps more intense or ongoing feelings but there will be someone you can relate to. Know that nearly everyone has guilt feelings and can blame something they did or didn’t do to cause the miscarriage. There is also a section called ‘Why miscarriages happen’ but 70% of miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities and are inevitable. Nothing you could have done would have made a difference and saved your baby. Take care of yourself and don’t think sometimes laughing is wrong or a betrayal. Know that your intense feelings will lift and you eventually will get back to a new normal.
For more information, and to join the Support Forum please visit www.miscarriagesupport.org.nz