A young mum shares her experience of PND with Breastmates. SHe writes:
I was 18 when I had my first child. A beautiful girl 5 weeks early. She needed to be in the special baby unit for 2 weeks with help breathing via c.p.a.p, help feeding via a tube down her nose and into her tummy and a few other minor things.
Everything happened at once for me with my daughter being born early and needing help (its very scary seeing your baby for the 1st time with tubes and little wires everywhere) and finding out todays after my daughter was born (while I was still in hositalp) that my fiancé had been cheating on me since we’d got together. I felt everything was caving in around me and I had no way of getting out of the rut I was in. After a very testing 16 days in hospital we were able to go home.
Things went great for the 1st few days then it all started to go downhill. My daughter wasn’t sleeping properly and screaming almost constantly. This continued until she was 4.5months old.
With practically daily visits to doctors, Plunket and who ever else I thought could help me I wasn’t getting anywhere. She would scream from the moment she woke up (6am) till the time she’d eventually go back to sleep (2am) – with a couple of cat naps if I was extremely lucky.
I was getting more and more depressed by the minute. If it wasn’t for the help of my amazing mother I don’t know how I would’ve got through. I had my partner but he was no help at all. I got that bad I actually said to mum that I didn’t want my beautiful baby anymore; I couldn’t even look at her. As soon as I’d hear her make a noise I’d break down. Mum took me straight to the doctor and told them what was happening for the millionth time. I started counselling immediately that day.
My daughter was actually starving. My milk supply wasn’t enough for her growing little body.
She is now 3 years old and about to start kindy. I used to blame myself for my depression but I now realise it wasn’t at all.
My partner and I got married when our daughter was 4 months old. 16 months after giving birth to my daughter we welcomed our new beautiful boy into our home as well. I was more prepared that time 🙂
I started counselling the second I recognised the signs of my depression and I controlled it, it didn’t control me. I still can’t believe that I ever said I didn’t want my little angel. I know it was the depression talking but it still amazes me to this day. I’m about to have another baby in a months time and will definitely be keeping an eye out for all the signs